The Feis season is under way and all across North America stages are being built, medals and trophies are being ordered and parents everywhere are being cajoled, coerced and blackmailed by volunteer coordinators to help out.
A sense of belonging and balance has once again returned to the Irish Dance community as everyone eagerly looks forward to “the next Feis”.
There is however one group of people who are suffering in silence and despair. For them, there is little joy and excitement at the Feis. For them there is agony and dread. They are haunted by a different type of specter. Their children have qualified for the not-too-distant…
North American Irish Dance Championships (NAIDC)
Every day is a series of anguished questions: “Is she practicing enough?” “Will she need a new wig?” “Will she need a new solo dress?” “Should we find a new Feis dad?”
Outwardly she is dismissive, “Oh Brittany doesn’t stand a snowball’s chance in hell”, she’ll tell her friends. But late at night, when the house is quiet and everyone else is asleep, she can hear it, a low whisper coming from the corner of the room….”What if?”.
All over North America, Feis moms toss and turn through the night.
To answer questions that many Feis moms may have about this newest Feis-related affliction, we have the distinguished Doctor Pooter Bullard of the world renowned Picayune Clinic of Dance Related Personality Disorders (PCDRPD) with us on our show today.
ZandB: Dr. Bullard I want to thank and welcome you too this week’s edition of “Help for Distraught Feis Moms”.
Dr. Bullard: As always, it’s my pleasure, and please, call me “Pooter”.
ZandB: Thank you “Pooter”. I’ve already taken several calls and gone through a ton of email from Feis moms all over North America and New Jersey and one question seems to come through from all of them, “Am I losing my freakin’ mind?” Is there even a name for this malady? Is there a cure? What can these Feis moms do?
Pooter: Rather than answer a series of questions on the subject, I’d like to dispense with our regular format and try a different approach.
ZandB: And what would that be Doctor Bu…er, I mean, “Pooter”.
Pooter: (Putting on shades and picking up a slide guitar) Please, call me “Picayune Possum Pooter”. I’m going to answer them in a song.
ZandB: Well this is rather different but…
Picayune Possum Pooter: This one is going out to a special Feis mom from Arkansas
(Throwing down a mournful blues beat on the slide guitar and singing)
Well you wake up Sunday morning getting ready for a Feis.
And you drink a cup of coffee while you pack that solo dress
And you know you should be happy
Yeah you know you should be glad
But nothing’s right this morning
And the feeling’s got you sad
Cause there ain’t nothing babe
Ain’t nothing you can do…
You gone and caught a bad case
Of the N-A-I-D-C Blues!
(Spoken) Seems the whole world’s on your shoulder honey
Your daughter’s up late practicing, she’s trying to do her best
The Gavin’s due to come next week, it’s arriving U-P-S.
But you feel there’s something missing
Something else you gotta do
And you just can’t shake the feeling
That your daughter lost her shoes
And there ain’t nothing babe
No no nothing you can do…
You gone and caught a bad case
Of the N-A-I-D-C Blues!
(screeching slide guitar solo)
Cause there ain’t nothing babe
Ain’t nothing you can do…
You gone and caught a bad case
Of the N-A-I-D-C Blues!
(Spoken) Good luck in Anaheim to everyone!!!
ZandB: Well that just wraps up things for today. Stayed tuned for next week for next week’s edition of “Help for Distraught Feis Moms”. Goodnight all!
Measuring in at just two feet by two feet, my daughter’s portable dance stage is probably one of the smallest surfaces on which she has performed and more in line with the size of the “half door off the hinges” often cited in the terpsichorean lore of Ireland.
Why it comes with its own clip-on carry strap.
She also uses it as a percussion instrument in “Drum Circles” at “Hippie Fests” as she describes them, using hands, fists, knuckles and elbows to extract a rather impressive cacophony of different sounds from it.
